Pictures + Videos + Stories + Humor + Fun: July 2009

Santa: Bank ke khaate aur choli main kya farq hai?
Banta: Dono ke ander Jitna MAAL Jyaada Utna Interest Jyaada.

Santa Preeto ko tairna sikha raha tha.
Kuchh der yoon hee chalta raha fir achaanak Preeto ne puchha: Achchha ek baat bataao, yadi tum angul baahar naheen nikaaloge to main leak kar'tee naav kee tarah doob jaaungee kya?

Jeeto: Doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahin chaahiye.
Doc: Theek hai main tujhe ye condoms deta hoon.
Jeeto: Ye paani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath.
Doc: Kele ke saath.

Gal's father: Beta kya karte ho?
Santa: Ji samaaj seva karta hoon. Gire huwon ko uthaata hoon, bichhade huwon ko milaata hoon.
Father: Woh kaise?
Santa: Ji Bra banaata hoon.

Banta: Ek safed rang ka condom dena.
Dukaan'daar: safed hi kyun?
Banta: Padosan ka pati guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.

Doctor ne Santa ko salaah dee: Dabaa ke doodh piyo.
Santa: Doodh to khoob peeta hoon per wohh dabaaney nahin deti.

Banta: condoms paardarshee kyon hote hain?
Santa: kyonki sperms bhee chudai ka manoram drishya dekh sake!

Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia, Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.

Banta: Kya tumhaaree biwi jab tune shaadee kee tab bilkul kunvaaree thee?
Santa: Yaar kuchh ka kah'na hai ki thee kuchh ka kah'na hai ki naheen thee; ab tumheen bataao.

Preeto mehmaanon ko nangee hoke halva paros rahee thee.
Banta chillaaya: Yah kya ho raha hai?
Preeto: kitaab men likha hai ki bina dressing ke serve karo.

Santa:Tum apne bachche ko kya khilaatee ho?
Beautiful Young Mom: Chhaatee ka doodh aur sant're ka ras.
Santa: Oye, par sant're ka ras kis taraf se nikal'ta hai?

Santa: Qutub minar kahaan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.

Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki kunvaari thi.
Jab puchha gaya to Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai.

Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!!
Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khaana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai maar lo!

Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta uTha aur AC aur pankha band kar diya.

Santa: Bhai Saab ek condom dena. Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai.
Dukandar: Is par cover chadha doon.
Santa, arre naheen yehi to cover hai gift to mere paas hai.

Santa apne beTe kee progress report lene school pahooncha.
Santa: Madam kab dengi aap.
Teacher: Period khatam hone tak to intezzar karo.

Banta Family Planning ke daftar men pahooncha. Wahaan us'ne likha paaya:
'Family Planning ke liya pichh'waaRe ka raasta istemaal karen'
Banta khushi khushi ghar lauT aaya.

Pappu: Kal papa ke room se praarthna karney ki aawazein aa rahi thi.
Jeeto: Yeh to achchhi baat hai.
Pappu: Papa to chup the, unki secretary chilla rahi thi 'O God...O God'

Pappu: Aaj hamen school men sex ke baare men paDhaaya gaya.
Santa: Bahut achchhee baat hai.
Phir Pappu apnee noonee hilaane laga, Santa ne baukhla kar puchha, ye kya ho raha hai?
Pappu: Homework Dad.

2 laRkiyaan beach par apnee choot men gaajar pel rahee thee.
Banta ne poochha: Ye kya kar rahee ho?
Gals: Tum badmaash pappe. Tum bhee aa jaao hamaare saath
Banta: Theek hai main bhee ek gaajar leke aata hoon.

Santa: Bhai jab ham donon ne baraabar ka maja liya hai to main hee akela tumhen paise kyon doon?
Randee: Hamaare liye incoming aur tumhaare liye outgoing, isliye.

Teacher ne Santa ko translation karne ke liye ek vaakya diya: Khushi ke maare uski chhati phool gayi.
Santa: Due to happiness his chest turned into breasts.

Call Girl: Kya baiThoge?
Santa: Haan, lekin tum meri biwi ki tarah karne dogee to.
Call Girl: Vo kaise?
Santa: Free mein.

Pappu: Papa jab aap Honeymoon pe gaye the tab mein kahaan tha?
Santa: Putar, jaate waqt tu mere paas tha aur aatey waqt mammi ke paas.

Ek raat Jeeto ke boy friend ne poochha: Darling, kya aaj kee raat tum free ho?
Jeeto ne kaha: are bhaRuwe kya aaj tak maine tumse paise liye hain.

Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha bahan ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai

2 ghanTe tak apnee girl friend ko chodne ke baad Santa bola:
Ab tum kuchh der mujhe dekh naheen paaogee.
Gal:Kya huwa kaheen jaa rahe ho?
Santa: Naheen rani, ab palaT jaao.

English teacher ne Santa ko class men thappaR kyon maara?
kyonki Santa ne poochha tha:
Madom, bra do ko qaid rakhtee hai phir bhee ek vachan hai aur panties ek ko qaid rakhtee hai phir bhee bahu vachan hai, aisa kyon?

Ek mahila Press Reporter ne Santa ko chaanTa maara. Banta ne poochha yah kaise huwa?
Santa:Yaar uske Tshirt par 'press' likha tha maine daba diya to yah huwa.

Santa: Yaar meri biwi paani se bahut darti hai.
Banta: Achchhaa, wo kaise?
Santa: Kal mein jab ghar gaya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard ke saath baithi thi

Santa apnee girl friend kee choochiyaan pee raha tha.
LaRkee: Ab aur kuchh bhee chaahiye ya naheen?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milengey?

Jab Santa Preeto kee gaanD maarne laga to wah jor jor se chillaane lagee.
Banta ne kaha: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utaar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.

Pappu: Dad pyaar, santosh aur vishwaas men kya farq hota hai.
Santa: Tumhaaree mummy mera pyaar hai, naukraanee santosh aur tum mere hee beTe ho yah vishwaas hai.

Ek party men ek lady ko mutra karne kee shanka ho gai. Sanyog se use Santa mil gaya aur us'ne poochha:
Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa:Bahanjee aap to bahut pahoonchee huee ho, pah'le aap dikhaao.

Jeeto garbh'vatee thee.
Santa:yadi hone waala bachcha tumhaare jaisa dikhega to bahut baRee baat hogee.
Jeeto:Aur yadi tumhaare jaisa dikhega to bahut baRa aashcharya hoga.

Banta: Yaar kya tum kabhee meree biwi ke saath soye ho?
Santa: Kya kah rahe ho? Aisa to main sap'ne men bhee naheen soch'ta.
Banta: Ek baar soke to dekho tumhaare waalee se bahut achchhee hai.